Guest: Shannon Fletcher, Life Coach and Sober Companion

This is Mercy Russell with The Remarkable Relationships Show. I’m here today with Shannon Fletcher. Shannon is a Life Coach and Sober Companion. The topic of our show is self-discovery and recovery. Today Shannon and I will talk about her journey of 31 years of sobriety, management of her family relationships along the way, and her spiritual awakening. My goal is to bring a fresh perspective to you on all things related to how humans develop their individual brilliance while navigating the excitement, stickiness, and resistance in their relationships. In my 39 years of working as a psychotherapist, I have been continually amazed at the ways in which people overcome challenges today. I hope to share Shannon’s experiences, insights, and the magic in her story.

Welcome Shannon Fletcher

Shannon and I met while working together at Sobermans Estate, a recovery retreat for executive and professional men in Cave Creek, Arizona. We attended a women’s meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous together and have become friends. I asked Shannon to join me today to share her deep experience with the spiritual gifts of a life in recovery. Shannon was 21 when she embraced sobriety, she has been married twice and has had two children in a life of recovery. Part of what I hope to talk about today is how her sobriety has affected her family life. I hope to do that by showing the contrast between what she’s accomplished and some stories from my own family.  I want to make one clarification for my audience. I don’t want to assume that everyone understands the terms that we’ll be using. Sobriety and recovery are not the same thing. Technically a sober person does not drink or use non-prescribed mind – altering drugs. Sobriety is a physical state which means “I’m clean of alcohol or drugs”.  Recovery on the other hand is a process of gaining emotional maturity through continual self-reflection, self-correction or making amends when necessary and holding oneself accountable to a mentor. One can be clean of alcohol and drugs and not emotionally sober. An alcoholic who is sober with bad behavior, similar to their behavior when they were drinking or using drugs, is referred to as a “dry drunk”. A sober alcoholic who practices a program of recovery aims for emotional sobriety.

Shannon has 31 years in recovery, which is remarkable at any age. Through her commitment to sobriety, she has not only weathered, but grown through, adversity. She has applied a set of principles, including the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous that allow her to meet daily challenges with grace and equanimity. In this first segment, we will review Shannon’s path before sobriety. So Shannon, let’s just start with the landscape of your family. I’m going to ask for a brief history of the family you grew up in and your own family, your nuclear family. Could you start by telling us when you began drinking and using drugs because that is the beginning of the path of recovery.

Shannon

Yes. Hi Mercy. Thank you for having me on your show. My path started when I was growing up. I was in a family that was known for having a little bit of wine at dinner time. It wasn’t unusual for a young person at the dinner table to have a very small glass of wine. So I was always kind of around alcohol. I grew up around alcohol. My grandfather drank and my mom drank. It was very prevalent around me. Then I started drinking. I was going out and actually seeking it when I was about 13. That started with me and my best friend. What it did for me was it fulfilled a lot of holes that I was feeling about myself, at a very young age. So, I was feeling very disconnected from who I was. I didn’t know who I was. I also was very scared of people. I didn’t feel good enough. I didn’t feel accepted in a lot of situations. So, alcohol, for me, was something that kind of fixed those things. So, at a very young age, I was dabbling and drinking, which started off just as a fun sort of like, let’s do this again every weekend.

Mercy

So, Shannon, you come from a family where there was social drinking, but there were other people in your family, your parents or grandparents who were alcoholic. 

Correct. So just to say it’s really common that we come in with a certain attraction to, or physiology or reaction physically to alcohol that feeds into exactly these dynamics that you’re talking about. It wasn’t something you invented, let’s put it that way.

Shannon

No, it wasn’t. So, as they say, alcoholism is a progressive disease. And my journey started off just as having fun with people from my school. I also sought out companions that were much older than myself, which was not probably a good thing. I started to slip in school and things started to progress where I was getting in trouble quite a bit, including in the home and at school. So there was that. And then by the time I was 16, I had come into a place where I thought that I could probably live on my own.  I took the privilege of trying to leave home at such a long young age. I wound up running away from home when I was 16.

So, I was very young when I left home and due to my alcoholism, I didn’t like authority.  The more my mom tried to control me or helped me. I just didn’t want part of that.  I wound up living in New York City. I was from Rochester, New York. I went to New York City where I started off living on the streets because I didn’t have any means of where to live or money.  I did that for about six months and then I started working in the nightclubs back in the eighties, the big nightclubs, places like the Limelight and the Palladium, and I became a bartender at a really young age. I was about 17. Of course, being a bartender brings on a whole other realm being introduced to drugs. So drugs are a part of my story, even though I identify as an alcoholic, so that’s where it really took off. That’s where my disease manifested to the point where I started to lose a lot of myself and to not be able to control it anymore. There was no controlling the alcoholic anymore. I was always trying to set boundaries for myself, but I was always crossing those boundaries. 

Mercy

Shannon, one thing I want to point out is this sounds kind of chaotic. It sounds dark. At the same time that you were on your own in New York City as a 16-year-old, you attended and completed high school.

Shannon

I did

Mercy

While you’re working in bars and drinking and using drugs, you continued and at 18 graduated with a high school degree.

I wanted to point out that underneath this, there was some strength and stability that you were able to stay focused on that goal for yourself.

Shannon

Well, I promised myself when I left home that I was going to complete my high school diploma. I got right into high school, and I graduated right on time. It wasn’t a GED. I went to a high school. I promised myself that that was something I was going to continue with. So I did accomplish that. That was one of my early accomplishments. Yes.

Mercy

Okay. So, you’re working in bars under age. 

Shannon

In the eighties they didn’t ask. Yeah.

Mercy

Right. But how did you feel safe? I mean, as a young woman in New York City in a pretty fast life. 

Shannon

Some of the company that I kept was people who were high profile people, people like mafia.  They protected me. So I always sort of felt safe. Obviously if I wasn’t working in the nightclubs, I was always going to them on my nights off. So, I always felt sort of protected.  Of course, when you’re young you have that invisible protection, like “Nothing’s going to happen to me.” mentality going. Which probably wasn’t the best thing to have, but you know, it worked out.

Mercy

Right. So, then something happened that created a crisis for you.

Shannon

Yeah. When I was 19, I had a boyfriend who committed suicide when I was home.  That created a trauma event for me. I had a very hard time processing that. Of course, I turned more to alcohol. I turned into an everyday drinker drinking morning, noon and night. That’s where my bottom took place. I had gone to a place that I thought I’d never go. I realized that I was headed for death. I mean, I really did.  You know, I was very young, but I thought I’m not going to live to see 25. These are my thoughts when I was 20 years old. If I had kept on that path, I believe that would’ve happened.  I probably wouldn’t have survived, but that was probably the catalyst, the event. If there is an event that would be the one that did it for me.

Mercy

And so, as a result, you went back to Rochester, you went back to your mother’s, is that correct?

Shannon

I did. I went to regroup, to go home. I think they knew something. My step dad and my mom knew there were things going on with me that I wasn’t speaking of. My mom decided that I should go live with my father for a little while. I’d have a little break to be in a different city. So, my father and his wife, a long-term wife, lived in San Diego.  I wound up moving to San Diego when I turned about 21. 

Mercy

Now we’ll take a break and we’ll be back in a few minutes to talk about your decision to be sober.

BREAK

What Made Shannon Decide to Stop Drinking

Mercy

Hello, this is Mercy Russell with The Remarkable Relationship Show.  I’m here today with Shannon Fletcher. We’re talking about recovery and sobriety from alcoholism and addiction, the influence on one’s life and one’s spirit to awakening.  Shannon was just telling us about her adolescence and her and her sort of a rapid descent into drinking and drug use. Sometimes it’s fast and furious. Despite this turmoil, Shannon, you were able to make the decision to return to your parents. In this segment, I want to talk about your early recovery. We left you off at going to stay with your father in San Diego. What made you decide to stop drinking? 

Shannon

Well, it was obvious that my drinking had progressed to a point where I was not a very functional person. There are nonfunctional and then there are functional alcoholics.  I was definitely one of the nonfunctional. I wasn’t able to do a lot of everyday things that normal people do. My father and I didn’t have much of a relationship when I showed up in San Diego. He was a bit absent from my life up until that point. We wound up in an argument one night, a very heavy argument.  I had a lot of resentment towards my father for not being there while I was growing up. I decided, while drinking, of course, that I was going to tell him how I felt about him, which was very negative.

It caused a huge impact on him, and it caused him to realize that he needed help as well. So, my father was also a catalyst in my life because he got sober first. He decided that he was going to go get help and his help was Alcoholics Anonymous. I followed shortly after, and the event really was more of an emotional bottom for me. I decided one night I was home. He was out at a meeting, an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He came home, kissed me goodnight on the forehead, went upstairs and I was left alone in the dark downstairs and I was drinking, and I had that moment of clarity where I thought I didn’t want to live this life anymore. And I don’t mean that in a way, I wanted to check, I just wanted to change. But I wasn’t sure how I was going to do that.

So, I took all the alcohol in the house, and I dumped it.  I just made a promise to myself that “I don’t know what it was going to take, but this was not going to be in my life. I was not going to be dead at 25, like I thought. So, I decided to put down the alcohol.  I had this mode of clarity where I saw myself for the first time. I really saw myself for the first time. It was not attractive. It wasn’t anything of how I expected my life to be. So, I just made the decision. What that looked like for me was I had to detox.  I didn’t know back then that detoxing from alcohol and benzos can cause you to have seizures and die. Detoxing with those is very dangerous.

I didn’t know that, but I did detox myself in my father’s home. Eventually after a few weeks I went to my father. I told him that I thought I had a problem. And of course, he was very receptive. 

But he was also like, “Oh no, my daughter is coming to me with this problem.  I think he felt a big responsibility to do the right thing. He brought me to a girl, who was my age at the time. I was 21. His business partner had a daughter who was sober. She was going to AA. He brought me to her and I kind of clung to her like a life raft in a storm. To show me the way. This girl took me to young people’s meetings. I had to find  my tribe. This is what we say is you have to find the right meetings and the right people, just like you found the right nightclub and the right bars.  It’s the same.

Mercy

I want to point out one thing for our audience.  This moment of clarity that you talked about.  “I always wanted to look for something bigger.”  Listening to over a thousand stories of alcoholics, I’ve found that that switch, and that decision is something that’s very individual.  I have never seen a pattern of the external circumstances or relationship patterns that make a difference. It’s something I even call ineffable. You describe it beautifully. It’s just one of those nights sitting in the dark drinking, you get clarity. I just want to point that out. It’s very much an internal experience. Maybe a higher power is involved. We’ll get to that. But at the same time, it’s very individual for each person.

Shannon

I’ve been asked to work in the field. I’ve been asked that many times. What made you get sober? They’re looking for the event, but I’m looking for the emotion behind it. For me it was emotional. I didn’t have things to lose per se.  I did have consequences. But I was still very young. I didn’t have a lot to lose at that time. I definitely was on a path of “I want to get this internal thing”. I was like a switch turned off and then it turned on. It just turned on and I decided I’m going to change my life. And ever since then it’s been a journey. It’s been quite a journey.

Mercy

So tell us a little bit more about that. You had a friend. You were going to meetings. You got a sponsor, is that correct?

Shannon

I did. There was a woman who was kind of close to my age and she had three years of sobriety. These women, these young girls that I was hanging out with promoted me to her. They thought you guys have very similar stories. Now what women did for me. When I was out there drinking and using, I didn’t hang out with a lot of women. I hung out with the men. So, for me, it helped me build healthy relationships with women. That was something that was new to me. This woman, I got in a relationship with her, and I was also accountable with her. I became accountable to somebody. That was another thing that was part of a great opening for me because I’ve never had that connection before. And so, I started to listen to some of her suggestions, which were going to meetings and checking in with her regularly and doing what we call the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. So my journey kind of started there and that’s where my transformation began.

Mercy

Tell us a little bit about how your life changed you. You used the expression “being gently led”, which I really liked. Because both recovery from addiction and I believe spiritual awakenings are often very quiet. From the outside, it looks like a quiet series and steps of events that then add up in a big way. Tell us a little bit about your expression “Being gently led”.

Shannon

I think things fell into place for me very nicely and very easily.  I mean, maybe not easily, but they seem to fall in front of me at the right time at the right moments.  I believe that’s what I consider a Higher Power. However, when I first came into the program, I was an atheist. So, I had a very hard time with the word God or Higher Power. So that was something that I had to find my own journey, which I did. It started with my sponsor. She was the one who had to point things out to me as they were happening to show me that these things don’t happen just by coincidence. I mean, look at this event or that event.

She wanted me to use the group as a whole, the program AA as a whole. Or to believe that she believed that there was something bigger than ourselves out there. She also brought me to the ocean one day, because we lived near the beach in California. She asked me to stop the waves.  I looked at her and I said, okay, I see clearly we can’t stop the wave, but it is a force bigger than ourselves. So I sort of used it as a place to go to, to just sit and rest and be quiet and pray.  When you’re praying, you’re talking to God and when you’re meditating, you’re listening.

So, that was a place for me, a quiet place that I really enjoyed. And, and that’s where it started for me. That’s where my spiritual journey started.

Mercy

This is sort of a big question. What is it that’s kept you engaged with a path of recovery? You’re still active in Alcoholics Anonymous 31 years later?  This is not something you’ve grown out of. Could you talk a little bit about that for our audience?

Shannon

Well, it’s definitely a daily reprieve. It’s something that I do every day I have. Sobriety is rented and rent is due every day.  What are you going to put in your insurance box every day to make sure that it keeps you away from that drink?  So for me, it’s really not about drinking anymore. It’s more about how I respond to life and my behaviors. The drink was only a symptom of my underlying issues, but, for me, I believe that I’ve always kept in touch with a Higher Power. That’s the one thing that I feel keeps me from a drink is my Higher Power. They talk about it in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that you will have no mental defense against the first drink.

And that was drilled into me from a very, very early age in sobriety. And so I always kept that. I’ve always talked to my Higher Power. I learned later about meditation and things like that, but I still go to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I don’t  go  to as many as I used to when I first started, but I still go.I still work with other people in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous and talk with them. That’s what keeps me connected and level headed.  That’s sort of the things that I do.

Mercy

I just want to point out too, that in sobriety you’ve been married  twice and divorced twice. You have two children; they’re grown and they’re living with their father. In the meantime, your father moved and you and your mother, who divorced him when you were less than a year old, moved to where your father was to care for him as he was dying of cancer. Is that correct?

Shannon

That is correct. Yes.

Mercy

 What I want to point out is that now you live with your mother. You have been able to stay in contact with your family, have genuine emotional relationships with them, set clear boundaries with them. You have made decisions for you and for your children that have promoted their growth. You have good relationships with them, obviously you’re in contact with your ex-husbands. I just want to point this out

to our audience that these are significant events.  Maybe you live with your mother and  the two of you aren’t always the best of friends. But you have a way of staying clear with her, whatever her life is like and the choices that she’s made.

In my perspective from family systems, this is the picture of emotional health. We don’t get to choose the circumstances in our life. We grow through our relationships which is why  we are here. I too am married and divorced twice with two children. And you know, it’s interesting  your grandmother was married three times and my grandmother was married three times. Yeah. And my mother was divorced once. These are not tragedies and in families they’re patterns. Okay. Let’s take one and then we’ll come back, and I want to hear, some of your juicy stories of spirituality 

Break

How Shannon discovered and began to believe in a Higher Power

Mercy

Hello, this is Mercy Russell with The Remarkable Relationship Show.  I’m back today with Shannon Fletcher, a life coach and sober companion. We’ve been talking about her story, her family, and in this segment, I want to have Shannon share with you, her spiritual awakening along the path of her 31 years of sobriety. I’m just going to frame it by saying, it’s a day-by-day affair. And these day-by-day events add up and can  end up in very surprising and almost otherworldly experiences. They’re embedded in a very firm foundation of good living.  So, Shannon, you told us a little bit about the condition of your spirituality when you stopped drinking – an atheist leaning into your sponsor’s idea of a Higher Power. You were young to be sober. Many older people still grapple with that. So, can you talk about what changed, how did you discover and begin to believe in a Higher Power?

Shannon

You know, I think at the very beginning it was the action of just going to the beach and talking to a Higher Power. It was the action piece that brought it to light a little bit because I started feeling different. I started and plus I had my sponsor too, to point out when positive things were starting to happen  in my life. She was there to  say, look at what’s happening over here. And it’s because I was living an honest life again and I was to be a better person. And I was asking my higher power for guidance in my life and for direction. And that seemed to start something where I started to believe that there was something else out there that was bigger than myself.

Mercy

Can you tell us about some of those little events that your sponsor pointed out to you that you might not have seen otherwise?

Shannon

There were just little things. Like I had a lot of limiting beliefs when I was young in sobriety. I always thought, “Oh, I’m not good enough to do that. Or, oh, I can’t do that. Or I’m not smart enough to do that”. And she always taught me to  suit up and show up for life.  Just take the action and the rest will follow. If it’s meant to be, it will happen. And then there were a lot of those.  events that happened. It

starts off real small. Like it started for me with trying to even just find a place to live or it was trying to find a job to support myself to be supporting myself with my own contributions.

And those were the little things that started happening for me that I started to notice.  I’m taking the action, but the result is going to be up to a Higher Power. It’s in you, and if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be, it will happen. Right?  And so, I have the small things pointed out at the beginning. And it was very important that they were pointed out because I was sort of resistant too. I kind of was still looking to see this isn’t working. It just seemed that every time I tried to do that, there was always something there that proved it wrong. 

Mercy

How about telling this story about making amends, how you went home to make amends and Charles?

Shannon

So, I had made most of my amends, which is the Ninth Step that we do in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Mercy

Can you just say what you just described a little bit for people who may not be familiar, what it means to make amends?

Shannon

 You go to the people that you had harmed during your drinking or using, and it’s an apology.  Also, apologies don’t really mean anything. It’s also about changed behavior. So there are different types of amends. I mean, there are amends that you make financially. Some people owe money because they stole, or weren’t honest with things. I didn’t really have any of that, but I did have to make amends to my family and to my close friends. So, one of my biggest amends and hardest amends was I had to write a letter to the boyfriend who passed away because I felt very responsible for his death. And after he died, I wasn’t invited to the funeral and that’s a whole other backstory there. But I was going to his grave all the time and I would sometimes sleep there.

There was a groundskeeper at the graveyard.  His name was Charlie. He was a gentleman who kind of watched out for me. He came to give me water sometimes or just come to talk to me to make sure I was okay or brought me a blanket. Those kinds of things were happening. And when I,  fast forwarding, when I got sober, one of the things my sponsor had me do was to write a letter to that boyfriend and go to his grave and say my amends to him. And I remember going to the grounds, I guess it was like a chapel that they had there on the grounds. There was somebody there who kind of oversaw the cemetery. And I remember going in there and asking for Charlie and the woman just looked at me like I was from outer space.

She’s like, I don’t know who you’re talking about. And I’m describing him and I’m telling him, I said, his name’s Charlie, he’s this tall, he’s an African American man. I said, he worked here, and she said, I’m sorry, ma’am there is nobody here who fits that description or anybody named Charlie that has ever worked here. So that was another thing pointed out, actually that I feel he was an angel because I don’t know where he was or who, who he was or where he came from. But for that portion of my life, he had shown up, in these moments. . But I never, I never found Charlie again. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know. It was just another confirmation that there are things going on, on what sometimes we see. Um, so I feel that that was a very significant event when I look back on it now,

Mercy

It’s not uncommon in stories of recovery that when people look back, you were still using and drinking. You hadn’t been saved yet. And that people can look back and see, you might say the hand of the Higher Power even while they were drinking. Right. And this wasn’t even someone telling you to stop drinking. It was someone comforting you at a difficult time or something like an angel. The Mormons have a lovely term for this. They call it a tender mercy. I do think that for anyone, an addict or not, it’s possible to look back at troubled times in your life and see how you were supported, how things that looked like a crisis were really, you know, the hand of a Higher Power nudging you along a better path. You’ve also talked about your third eye opening and discovering psychic abilities. How did that come about and how do you understand that or experience that?

Shannon

I’ve always sort of had a little bit of clairvoyance. I really felt it when I was very young. I didn’t really know what it was until I became older, a little bit older and in my early sobriety. Like the opening of the eye.  You’re just aware you have an awareness of things going on around you. Some things that you can’t see. I definitely have that ability. And my relationship with my Higher Power has changed quite a bit over the years. I mean, from  31 years ago until today, I have a very different connection and outlook. I view my Higher Power in how. I  like to connect with nature. I also believe that my Higher Power talks through other people.

It could be conversations I’m having.Things are placed in front of me that  confirm that they could be signs of something or a path opening up for me, that there is something out there that is guiding me.  I’m connected to that now.  I know everybody doesn’t have the same view as I do. Everybody has their own relation with their Higher Power, whether that be through religion or through a program, or just self exploration.  For me it was just self-exploration.  I just found out that I believe that God is everywhere. That’s my belief. And I believe  he talks through people and events and just things that are signs. 

Mercy

Can you give us, can you give us an example? People love to hear  the details.  You and I met working together in an 11 bed treatment center.Of course I  got to know you mostly in terms of the work we did.  I knew we shared this background but I always loved it when I’d be talking  about something I thought was sort of out of the range of the therapy we were doing or the framework we were working in and you go, oh yeah, I know that I’ve had that experience.  So, I love that. I mean, that’s  my experience of  all the things we don’t know about those people around us. Can you give us some specific examples of how this has worked in your life?

Shannon 

The field that I’m in right now, behavioral health, that journey started for me about seven years ago now.  I was again at a place in my life where there was a turning point, where I wanted something different. I wanted a new career, I wanted to be fulfilled in what I was doing. I wasn’t fulfilled in what I was doing

prior. And I thought,  I’m just going to explore this. And I put it out there  to my Higher Power and said, please guide me. I remember I had sent my resumes out to a bunch of different types of things that I thought would be interesting. One of them  was working in a rehab. That was the first phone call that I received when I had sent my resume out.  This rehab called and I thought, okay, why not?

I went with it  even though the pay was not what I was expecting. I thought, I’m just going to leave the money out of it.  I’m just going to focus on if this is something that I really enjoy, if it’s going to give me fulfillment and if I can actually help other people. And so once I gave that a chance, I found that it was the right fit.   I really enjoyed it and loved it. And I think that would be an example of asking your Higher Power for direction. And then that path opened. I did the footwork to do that and, but that door opened. They say, if you knock on a hundred doors, one of them is going to open, right?

Mercy

But you didn’t have to knock on a hundred.

Shannon

I think I knocked on seven and then one of ’em opened, but it was all good. Since then, those types of events have happened for me, especially recently. In the last year, a little over a year now, I’ve been doing sober companioning and recovery coaching, which is a different level in behavioral health. And I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to do that because I didn’t really know what it entailed. , But, again, I knocked on some doors. I put it out there. I learned what I could from the things that I had already, the places I had already worked. And I took that knowledge and I just started knocking on doors, sending out resumes and calling people and sure enough the doors are wide open now. So, I mean, I believe that that has something to do with having little help from above.

Mercy

 So another story you’ve told me in the past that I personally think is a really good example of living in emotional sobriety and having this spiritual foundation has to do with your children. And your decision to move out of state, this was after your divorce.  What happened after that and then how  do you see it now?

Shannon

One thing  I do pride myself on is that my children have never seen their mother drunk, or in my addiction. TThey’ve only known a sober mom, which is great. My son’s 20 and my daughter will be 17 this July. I have a very open and honest relationship with them. I’ve chosen to share a lot of my life, not, not all the gory details, but a lot of my addiction with them. I’ve taught them a lot about addiction. Just being an example for them and how I present myself in life, they’ve watched me.My son actually did come to me. It was last Mother’s Day and he said, Mom, I just thank you for being open and honest in your life because it’s helped me to make better decisions on my own.

And I felt that that was a very positive reinforcement that I must be doing something right. I had a not great divorce from their father. We wound up divorcing after 11 years of marriage.  My kids were still

fairly small back then. I stayed with them three years after the divorce. I lived down the street.  I was a single mom who hadn’t really had much of a career or recent job experience. So my financial situation wasn’t great. And I wasn’t getting any help from my ex-husband. So, I wound up having to rely on my mother.  My mother kind of stepped in to help me out. She moved in with us for a little while, but it was a little bit much living in Los Angeles. and my mom trying to float a boat down in San Diego with a condo that wasn’t working.

And she was in an over 55 community. We decided that we were going to make this move to Phoenix because my father was ill with cancer. We came over here to Phoenix. It was a very hard move because the judge, you know, my ex-husband was not very keen on me taking the children out of state. So, he had an emergency hearing and we had to do all this mediation anyways, fast forwarding a few months after that decision we had to meet with the mediator and the mediator told me; well, you’re not getting your children. And that was probably one of the worst moments of my entire sobriety, because I love my kids. And that was the last thing I wanted was to leave them. But I really didn’t have a choice. I financially couldn’t afford Los Angeles and that’s where I was living.

And my kids had a home there. Their father had support with his family. I didn’t have family there. I didn’t have money. I didn’t have any support. So anyways, fast forwarding, we had to move to Phoenix and the judge ruled that they stay behind, they stay with their father, and I would just have them fly out during holidays and summers and such. So that was a very hard pill to swallow. Yeah. It was very, very hard for me emotionally. I did have a talk with a friend and, he basically said, Shannon, you need to get yourself happy and get yourself together and let the ex-husband do the hard stuff. But you focus on you and, you know, that’s a God moment because really what that did for me, it did help me focus on myself. And it helped me get myself together after that divorce, because I was an emotional wreck from that.  And so God kind of took my children out of the picture, had somebody else take care of, even though I did still get to see them often. It allowed me to be by myself, to, learn about myself again.

Mercy

Thank you for sharing all of that.

 Shannon

You’re welcome.

Mercy

It really is such a blessing in our community that the comfort with who we are and being that’s what our practice of honesty allows us to just be in our own skin and really see the grace in our life. So, I really want to thank you for coming today and sharing all of this with us. Giving me the chance to talk about sobriety and relationships. I also want to thank Benny Mathers, our producer.  I want to just share Shannon’s phone number in case anyone would like to get in touch with her.  She does work as a life coach and as a recovery companion. 

Shannon’s phone number (619)751-9889. 

And you can reach me at mercyburtonrussell@gmail.com or my website leadershipwithmercy.com.

Thank you again. It’s really been fun for me to have this chance to talk with you.